


black oaks

by ont



Series: mockingbird [18]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Co-Parenting, Divorce, Ex Drama, Fluff, Insecurity, Jealousy, Kidfic, M/M, Mpreg, New Relationship, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:00:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23658763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ont/pseuds/ont
Summary: Louis and Liam navigate their new relationship. Zayn and Louis navigate co-parenting. (sliding doors verse)
Relationships: Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson (past)
Series: mockingbird [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/499807
Comments: 19
Kudos: 31





	black oaks

**Author's Note:**

> can i offer you a fic i yanked out of my drafts in this trying time

COLDWATER CANYON, SEPTEMBER 8, 2021

“Daddy,” Mia says, trailing her fork through her food before looking up at him. “I don’t like the green peppers.”

"Since when? You love them on pizza."

"This isn't pizza, it's rice."

“There’s hardly green peppers in there,” Zayn says.

“There’s a few. They’re touching the other peppers.”

Zayn sighs. “What if I pick them out?”

Mia pushes her plate across the table to him. Outside the windowed walls of his dining room, the sun is setting in the lush forest that surrounds his house. It’s a nice place, but it still doesn’t feel like home to Zayn, even a year later. He prefers to go home to England, or go to the apartment of whoever he’s dating that month. He likes to be alone, but not _this_ alone.

“I’m not hungry,” Amir announces, glancing at Mia next to him like she’s just given him the idea to reject dinner.

“Yes you are,” Zayn says without looking up, continuing to pick out peppers.

“No I’m not.”

“Amir. Eat your food.”

“It’s too spicy.”

“Spice is good for you. It cleans out your sinuses. What’s Louis been feeding you?”

“He’s busy a lot,” Mia says. “Chef Kelsey cooks. Sometimes his friend Liam comes over and makes us dinner.”

“I like when Liam makes dinner,” Amir says.

Zayn feels a chill run down his spine. It was only two weeks ago that Louis had come to visit him in the studio and handed him a letter admitting he was dating Liam -- something Zayn had seen looming on the horizon ever since Louis told him the two of them had started hanging out again.

The letter didn’t go into any gory details, luckily, but Louis went to great lengths in it to reassure Zayn that Liam was not trying to muscle in on the kids, that he was a dad too, that he understood, that his own ex-wife had recently started dating again too, that he respected Zayn.

Zayn was honest, as usual: he told Louis he had expected this would happen, even as he touched him gently on the thigh to reassure him.

Louis’ eyes had filled with tears, and Zayn was always easily manipulated by Louis’ tears, plus he was in the middle of a workday, so the conversation didn’t drag on very long. He didn’t get a whole lot of details on the whole thing, except to make sure the kids didn’t know yet. Louis said they didn’t.

“How often does Liam make dinner for you lot?” Zayn says, trying not to sound too agitated about it.

Amir shrugs.

“Sometimes,” Mia says.

“How often is sometimes, love? How many times a week?”

Mia considers this. “Two times a week.”

“Two -- how often is he over?”

“A lot,” Mia says. “Daddy says they’re working on music.”

Zayn stares out the window at the trees, clenching a muscle in his jaw. “Right. And what do they -- erm. Does he treat Liam any differently than his other friends?”

“Yes,” Mia says, at the same time Amir says, “No.”

“He does,” Mia says to Amir. “He acts different with him than he does with Uncle Oli.”

“No he doesn’t,” Amir says stubbornly.

Zayn pushes Mia’s plate back to her, sans green peppers.

“He does,” Mia says. “You just don’t pay attention.”

“I’m not hungry,” Amir says again.

“Different in what way?” Zayn says. His phone pings with a text and he glances down; it’s the guy he’s seeing, triple texting him, even though Zayn told him he had his kids this weekend. Might be time to ghost this one.

“Daddy touches him a lot,” Mia says.

“Touches him _where_?”

“His face. And his hair, and his neck, and his chest and stuff. He never touches Oli’s hair.”

Zayn is steaming, although he’s doing his best not to show it. “When does he do this?”

“When they say goodbye,” Mia says. “I peek at them.”

“You spy on them?”

“No! I peek. Daddy kisses Liam goodbye. And sometimes when they watch movies, he sits on Liam’s lap.”

Feeling like his head is about to explode, Zayn gets up and goes into the kitchen, robotically emptying some graham crackers onto a plate for Amir. Usually when he won’t eat, they can get him to eat graham crackers, so he doesn’t starve. He takes a few deep breaths before returning to the dining room.

“So, what do you think about all that?” Zayn says to Mia as Amir wolfs down graham crackers.

“I dunno,” Mia says.

“Do you think that’s what friends do?”

“Probably not,” Mia says. “Maybe grown-up friends. But I’ve never seen Daddy kiss a grown-up besides you.”

“He kisses his sisters,” Amir says through a mouthful of cracker.

“Liam’s not his sisters!”

“He said the band is like his brothers!”

Zayn resists dry-heaving at that. “Has he said anything to you about this?”

“No,” Mia says. “But I can tell Liam makes him happy. He always laughs when he’s around, and he keeps smiling after he leaves. He wasn’t smiling that much, now he smiles a lot.”

Zayn stares at Amir, who seems to be tuning them both out as he mows through the crackers.

“Right,” he says.

“If they’re not friends, what are they?” Mia says, her blue eyes large with curiosity.

“You’ll have to ask your dad about that,” Zayn says. “It’s not my business. We’ve split up, that bit’s on him now.”

Mia looks crestfallen, which makes Zayn angry on her behalf. It’s not his fault Louis has put him in this position.

CALABASAS, SEPTEMBER 9, 2021

Liam slept over at Louis’ the night before, since it’s the rare weekend where Ceci has Sunday. They cooked dinner together, drank a bottle of wine, then took their clothes off to have sex before realizing they were too sleepy to do so. So they dry humped each other until they both came, and immediately fell asleep.

Early the next morning, Liam woke when Louis was still dead to the world, snoring softly. Liam eased his arm out from under him coyote-ugly style, then stroked his hair. Asleep, Louis looked younger than his years.

Liam stroked his fringe back and leaned down to kiss his forehead. When he drew back, Louis had opened his eyes, and was smiling at him.

“Morning, handsome,” he murmured, making Liam’s heart burst in his chest a little bit.

“Hi,” Liam said. “You can sleep. I was gonna go put on a kettle.”

“Perfect. Can I have a waffle too?”

“That might take a while, but sure.”

“No, a freezer one, love. Pop it in the toaster. Who bothers makin’ waffles from scratch?”

“I do!”

Louis wrinkled his nose at him. “You need to sort out your priorities.”

“I have!”

“If you had two kids you wouldn’t bother with that shit. That’s one kid shit.”

Then he pulled the covers over his head and went back to sleep until Liam brought him his tea. Actually, when Liam got back, he left the tray on the edge of the bed and went into the bathroom first. There he brushed his teeth, fixed his hair, flexed in the mirror a bit, and sprayed himself with cologne from the toiletry kit of his favorite products that he now keeps under Louis’ sink in the master bath. _Then_ he woke Louis.

They hang out together for the rest of the morning, and it feels like hanging around after a sleepover at your best mate’s house — their old easy comfort with each other is thawing out. Louis makes fun of him a lot, but he also follows Liam from room to room, always touching him, never seeming to want him very far away. And when Liam starts making noises about needing to be home by two so he can hop on a label conference call, Louis suggests they watch a movie, then starts nuzzling his ear and rubbing his cock in his jeans when they sit down to watch it.

“So wait, where’s the Joker?” Liam says about twenty minutes in, having grown distracted.

“‘E dumped Margot Robbie.”

“But why? Did they say why? I thought this had the Joker in it.”

“No, it’s a bunch of birds. Fuck d’you care if the Joker’s in it?” Louis kisses his jaw and flicks his tongue in Liam’s ear, then starts stroking his thigh.

“Who would dump Margot Robbie, though?”

“I dunno, he’s crazy. He’s the Joker, mate, he ain’t on the level.”

Liam turns his head and kisses Louis on the mouth. He tastes like maple syrup. Louis presses him back into the couch cushions, climbing atop him, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck.

Liam is bewitched by weird things about Louis: the way he smells of cigarette smoke and fresh laundry, and how soft all his hoodies are, and the insistent way he runs his fingers up and down Liam’s thigh.

He presses Louis backward onto the couch cushions. They take turns shoving their tongues into each other’s mouths, their beards rubbing, laughing a little. Louis spreads his legs and pulls Liam’s hand to his crotch. He’s hard already.

Liam breaks away to kiss Louis’ neck. “D’you have a condom?”

“We don’t need one,” Louis purrs. “I keep telling you that.”

“You sure, though?”

“Yes! I’m set. Put it in.”

Liam pulls Louis’ shorts down, kissing him harder on the neck and sucking at his skin. He’s soft everywhere, except his whiskers, which are giving Liam beard burn.

Louis feels for Liam’s cock in his pants, then laughs at how hard it is. “You too?”

“Me too.”

“I’ve been so horny for you lately, I’ve been jerkin’ off like crazy. I’ll be doing shit and I’ll just get lost in thought, thinkin’ about you…” Louis’ voice trails off in a pleasant whine. “I love the way you fuck me. Like it’s your job or something.”

Liam sucks at his neck some more. “Am I good at my job?”

“You’re employee of the month.”

“Just the month?”

“I can’t just make you employee of the forever, you’ll start slackin’ off.”

“Never.” He’s fingering Louis, now, pulling his cropped joggers and boxers down off his legs so he can get in there when it’s time.

They fall quiet and start kissing again, deep kisses, like they’re trying to take drags off each other. Louis runs his hands through Liam’s hair, fucking it up and making him crazy. There’s a fire in his gut that burns for Louis, that started burning ages ago and never really stopped -- the coals lay smoldering for years, but it’s back now, big now, a forest fire now.

How does Louis have such a hold on him? He really doesn’t understand it. He’s known him so long, and Louis has done the grossest shit in front of him. He’s puked, and farted, and one time, when he had a sinus infection, held Liam down on the tour bus floor while letting a string of mucus dangle from his nose, which made Liam scream an unmanly scream (Niall all but peed himself laughing at this). Liam could fuck probably just about anybody he wanted, at this point, or at least have a shot at doing so. And yet the only person he wants is Louis. His soul yearns for Louis. The pinnacle of his sexual experience as a human being has been with… Louis.

He’s thinking about that as he slides into him, about how nothing is better than this and he’s so grateful to have it. Louis wraps his arms around him, kissing him with more force, tensing up and then relaxing.

“Liam,” he sighs.

The movie is still on in the background as he thrusts into Louis. Liam looks up at it for a second, registers a shot where Margot Robbie’s breasts are prominently featured, then imagines squeezing them. This is nice, so to satisfy the urge to squeeze something, he reaches down and squeezes Louis where his arse meets his thigh. Louis agreeably wraps his legs around Liam to get his dick deeper.

“I want you to last a while, this time,” Louis murmurs, his voice catching. “You only went for ten minutes the other night. I need more, big boy, I wanna come with you in me.”

“Tall order,” Liam says. He’s already having trouble.

Louis starts stroking his own cock, and slides his free hand up the center of Liam’s back, caressing his lats as Liam moves in him. “Go hard, then, that’ll help.”

Liam obeys him unthinkingly. He fucks Louis into the couch with vicious precision, using more power than he would normally be comfortable doing, because he knows by now how much Louis can take. He’s a glutton for punishment. Louis responds by starting to rake his nails up Liam’s back, letting out breathy moans; Liam presses his mouth to Louis’.

“Shut up,” he says against his lips, laughing, “or I’ll come.”

“You should come,” Louis coos in his ear.

“Ahh! You’ve just told me not to!”

“Alright, don’t, don’t.” Louis kisses him some more.

“Here…” Liam reaches for Louis’ dick and bats his hand away, starting to stroke it for him. “I’ll take care of that.”

Louis laughs and reaches up to run his fingers through Liam’s hair. “Good boy...”

Liam squeezes Louis’ bum some more. Louis kisses Liam’s neck and continues to scratch his back, but with a lighter touch, like he doesn’t want to mark him up too badly. That’s nice of him. When they were early on in things and still getting carried away a lot, Liam would sometimes end up looking like he’d been attacked by a feral cat. His gym friends kept noticing this and making obscene noises at him when he was getting his kit off in the locker room.

Mostly they just press deeply against each other, Liam embedding himself in Louis like a sword in a stone, Louis caging Liam’s body with his legs and arms, sniffing each other’s hair and pressing hard, wet kisses to each other’s exposed skin. Liam sucks on Louis’ neck a little more, as hard as he dares to, and Louis digs his fingernails into Liam’s arse when he comes with a moan and shudder. Semen sticks to Liam’s bare torso and chest hair, and Louis’ sweatshirt, which he’s still wearing. He’s been doing that a lot -- keeping his shirt on during sex.

“Oh, God, yeah,” Louis breathes. “Yeah, Liam. Good.”

Liam noses at Louis’ ear, then whispers into it, “And I’m still goin’.”

“Good,” Louis repeats with a hiccup.

Liam wants to come so much he’s almost delirious from it; he feels like he’s wandering in the desert. He wraps Louis up in his arms the way he knows Louis secretly likes, like he’s a boa constrictor trying to crush the life from him. Louis wraps an arm around his neck, and it’s a little more chokehold than lover’s embrace, a little more roughly physical than you might expect, but it makes perfect sense in the language shared by their two bodies.

“I’m gonna come,” he mumbles to Louis, kissing his temple.

“Do it.”

Liam buries his face in the neck of Louis’ sweatshirt, and Louis seems to read his mind for what he wants, moving to cradle the back of Liam’s head in his hand. He squeezes his thighs hard against Liam’s waist right before Liam comes in him, with a groan and a sigh.

White-hot bliss blanks his mind for a second before fading. When he emerges from it, he’s exhausted. He can feel the lurking wine hangover that he’s been a step out ahead of all morning.

They sit up. Louis is a mess, with come all up and down his front and now trickling down his bare thighs. He groans and then laughs. “I don’t feel like dealing with this.”

“We can hop in the shower before I head off,” Liam says.

Louis nods, then climbs back in his lap. Liam wraps his arms around him and kisses him on the nose. “I really like you, Payno.”

Liam’s heart stutters. “I like you too.”

Louis squeezes his bicep. “Big strong lad. Almost thought I couldn’t breathe, earlier.”

“Sorry,” Liam says, feeling guilty, but then he notices the pleased twinkle in Louis’ eye.

“How much d’you bench these days?”

“Honestly, I do the glamour muscles, so it’s mostly dumbbells. But I go up to sixty with them.”

Louis is still squeezing his arm. “Sixty each?”

“Yeah.”

“Christ.”

Liam toys with his hair, which is all fucked up in the back now. “You should come work out with me again,” he says. “It’s fun once you’re in the habit.”

“Is it, though?”

“Yeah!”

Louis drops his hand. “What time is Sunday back?”

“Five,” Liam says. “I think.”

“How’s that been going? You and Ceci?”

“Fine,” Liam says. He knows Louis is thinking about the episode from a few months back, when he had a horrid late-night phone call with Ceci and ended up crying in the loo. But he doesn’t like to dwell on those things.

“Yeah?” Louis starts stroking the back of Liam’s neck, ruffling the short hair there. “How’s she been about us?”

Liam shrugs. “She doesn’t like it. Not a whole lot I can do about that.”

“Yeah. How’s she been with Sunday?”

“Semi-involved.”

“Have you thought about coming after her for child support?” Louis says. Liam must visibly bristle at this, because he clarifies: “Not like you _need_ to, but just on principle. She doesn’t split custody, she should owe you child support. I mean, you’re paying her alimony she doesn’t need.”

“That’s my job, is to support her. She’s not actually making that much money right now, she’s trying to get her film career to take off, that costs money. Acting classes and beauty treatments and things.”

“Liam,” Louis says, “it’s not your job.”

“She’s the mother of my child.”

“She’s barely taking care of that child.”

“Lou, stop.”

“I’m serious! I mean if it was reversed, and she was doing nearly all the care, then yeah, flip ‘er a dime, but come on.”

Liam is annoyed, though he can’t help but laugh. “‘Flip her a dime’?”

“Y’know what I mean. You keep giving her such a long leash, she’s gonna keep pulling at the end of it. Sunday’s got to at least believe her mum cares about her well-being.” Louis studies him. “It does mean somethin’, contributing to the financial bit. It’s a sacrificial thing. The way things are set up, she might grow up thinking her mum sees her as a meal ticket to squeeze money from you.”

“Ceci has family money. She doesn’t need us.”

“Then where _is_ that money, mate?”

Liam sighs. “It’s not liquid, and right now it belongs to her parents.”

“Then it doesn’t mean shit for your daughter, does it?”

“I know you’re right, but it’s complicated. Just quit pushing me, please, I don’t like being pushed on this.”

“Okay,” Louis agrees. He slips off of Liam’s lap and snatches his boxers off the floor, pulling them on.

Liam watches him. He hates the feeling that bubbles in his gut when Louis talks about Ceci — that mix of defensiveness that Louis can sometimes trigger in him, that little-brother insecurity that he’s failing at this co-parenting thing that Louis has managed to handle so well, plus something darker and uglier. The fear that he caused his divorce with his longing for Louis, that he fucked up his daughter’s life and family just so he could run back to Louis and get his dick wet. His regret at Louis being the person in the world he most wants to be with, when things would have been so much easier had that been anyone else.

Even now, when they’re planning the tour, it sounds like a mess in the making. They’re going to be trying to hide the fact, while surrounded by fans and journalists and crew? When they can barely keep their hands off each other?

Liam wants to say something about this, but he knows in the state of mind he’s in, it’ll just come out all aggressive and accusatory, and then Louis will give him that ‘who do you think you’re talking to?’ look.

So he just follows Louis upstairs to the bathroom and into the shower, helping him strip back down. Louis is a little hesitant about taking his hoodie off, so Liam takes over, kissing him deep and tugging it over his head for him.

He tosses it out the door, pulls it shut and turns the rainfall shower on. It’s set to 110 degrees, and it comes out almost that hot already. He presses Louis up against the marble shower wall, snogging him some more and hanging onto his hips. Louis wriggles under his touch.

“Quit it with that shit,” Liam breathes as the kiss gets wetter.

“What shit?”

“The insecure, hiding your body shit…”

They kiss harder and more passionately, even though they’re both still limp and probably will be for another ten minutes. Liam rubs his thumbs in a worshipful pattern over Louis’ hips.

“‘M not hiding,” Louis murmurs. “I’m just not you, and I’m not these beautiful birds you’re used to dating, alright?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean I don’t -- I don’t think of myself as a sexy person fundamentally. Me job isn’t to be sexy for people, I’m not hangin’ dong on Instagram. You sometimes --” Louis tips his head back and looks at Liam. “I dunno, you just touch me like you think I feel the way you do, like we’re in a music video. But that’s not how I feel about you and me.”

“I don’t think we’re in any music video! And I find you sexy!”

“You know what I mean, Payno. Think about it. The women you’ve dated, they had the same concept of themselves that you did. Y’know? ‘Cos that was the concept they had in the public eye. You touch me like you can make me feel sexy just by touching me, ‘cos it’s you.”

“I don’t understand,” Liam says, because he really doesn’t. Only the dimmest understandings of this concept flicker at the edges of his brain, but when he tries to grab at them, he loses the thread.

“Never mind,” Louis says, and kisses him again.

“I think you’re slut-shaming me,” Liam says.

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that’s it, love. That’s what I’m saying. You caught me.”

Liam turns him around and presses him to the marble wall. Louis laughs, sounding surprised. He reaches for a bar of soap sitting in a little soap nook on the wall and soaps up his fingers, then starts running them up and down the cleft of Louis’ arse cheeks, slipping them gently over his arsehole.

“Liam,” Louis says, “I can clean me own arse. Been doing it twenty-nine years.”

“Shh.”

“Well, what are you doing?”

Liam ignores him and continues to rub his fingers over him, helping wash away the come drying on his inner thighs. He starts squeezing and caressing Louis’ arse cheeks with his free hand as he works, without really thinking about it.

Finally he kneels on the wet floor and starts rimming Louis.

“Ooh, oh,” Louis moans. “Right.”

“You like that?”

“I do like that…”

The tile hurts Liam’s knees, and the spray of the shower is pounding on the top of his head, but he eats Louis desperately anyway, massaging his taint and balls with his hand as he does. At one point he tries exhaling against Louis’ arsehole, and Louis writhes under him, shivering. Liam’s pleased. Good, that’s a trick to remember, then.

CALABASAS, SEPTEMBER 9, 2021

Zayn usually gets the benefit of the kids being bummed when he has to bring them back to Louis, partly because Zayn gets less time with them, and partly because them returning to Louis on Sunday afternoon is their first sign that the weekend has ended and the school week cycle is beginning anew. Today, though, they’re chuffed about it, since Louis promised them In-N-Out for dinner to reward them for suffering through the first week back at school after their August break.

When Louis opens the front door, Mia and Amir rush him, collaring him to bring him down to their height. Louis drops to his knees, laughing, and embraces them.

“Kiddos,” he says happily, kissing them each on the head. “Missed you, kiss you.”

“I missed you too,” Mia says. “Let’s go to In-N-Out now.”

Louis laughs some more and checks his watch behind her back. “You want dinner at four-thirty? Go put your backpacks away, then go find Ingrid, she’s got a snack for you.” He glances up at Zayn. “Did she get her homework done? Those little worksheets?”

Zayn nods. “Yeah. Hey… can we talk a minute?”

“Ah, yeah. Go on in, loves.” Louis stands, ruffling their hair, and Mia rushes past him into the house, but Amir clings to his leg. “Amir, I’ll be right in, yeah?”

“Can you both come in?” Amir says. “Can Daddy stay?”

Louis and Zayn exchange a look.

“I really can’t, love,” Zayn says. “I’ll see you at Yasmeen’s soccer game Tuesday, alright?”

“Okay…”

Louis peels a dejected Amir off of his legs and ushers him inside the house, then turns back to Zayn. “What’s up?”

Zayn folds his arm across his chest. It’s a muggy day, and he’s sweating in his leather jacket. He studies Louis and notices two things that make his heart quicken unpleasantly: a hickey low on Louis’ neck, partially obscured by the hood of his sweatshirt, and the fact that he smells like cologne that isn’t his. Liam’s cologne.

There are other, less tangible things, too. It’s how happy Louis looks, the lingering satisfied smile on his lips. Louis dating, fine. Louis fucking around, fine. But someone else making Louis smile like that? The very same someone who was fucking Louis, kissing him, making him scream when he was pregnant with Mia? The same someone that Louis was besotted with, having secretive phone calls with, when he was pregnant with Mia? Zayn feels weak and shaky about that in a way he really doesn’t like.

“How serious are you about Liam?” he says, kind of abruptly.

Louis lifts his eyebrows, then reaches behind himself to pull the front door shut.

“What,” Zayn says, nettled.

“Just think this conversation’s one we ought to have out of earshot of the kids.”

“There’s no conversation. I’m asking you a simple question.”

Louis sighs and leans against the door. “I don’t even think you realize your tone when you asked it, mate.”

“What tone?”

“It wasn’t pleasant.”

“I ‘ave a right to know,” Zayn says, growing nore cross by the second. “If you’re, y’know, planning to move in with him, or something —“

“Zayn, we’ve only been dating a few months!”

“You move fast,” Zayn accuses.

Louis looks hurt, and Zayn feels a flare of regret, but then he gets annoyed with himself for being manipulated so easily. Really, though, he’s not trying to be a dick. It’s just Louis looks good today, and he was being sweet with their kids like always, and he’s got traces of Liam all over him, and all that together is triggering some vestigial possessiveness.

“I said in me letter to you that me and him are taking it slow,” Louis says. “That we’re both worried about our kids. We’re not being irresponsible.”

Zayn sucks at his front teeth. “The kids talked about Liam this weekend,” he says.

“They know he’s my friend, that we’ve been hanging out.”

“They know more than that. They’re not stupid.”

“Well, what do they know, then?” Louis says, sounding exasperated.

“Yasmeen said you touch him when he comes over. That you touch his chest and hold hands with him, and kiss him goodbye, and she saw you sittin’ in his lap the other week.”

“What else?”

“She said he makes you happy,” Zayn says, his chest aching. “Makes you laugh and smile, like you haven’t in ages.”

Louis looks even sadder, now. “I was smilin’ before.”

“You’re gonna have a baby with him,” Zayn says. He doesn’t mean to say it, it just slips out.

“What? No!”

“Not immediately. I just mean… down the road. I can tell. I know you.”

“I don’t just have babies with anybody,” Louis snaps. “I’ve only got babies with you!”

“But you and me kept getting pregnant. Three times in five years is a lot, innit, when you’re not trying? So you’ll definitely get pregnant with Liam, and then, y’know, you’ll keep it, ‘cos you’re so mad for him —“

“Zayn,” Louis exclaims. “I’m not thinking about that, not even a little. I’m enjoying actually being a person for once, and dating, and just being a twenty-something, not only being a husband and dad. I’m definitely not thinking about having more fuckin’ kids, and I’m on a good birth control that works for me now, I never was when I was with you, not that this is any of your business —“

“It is when it’s to do with my kids!”

“I’m allowed to have a personal life!”

“You’ve got a _hickey_!”

Louis starts, then grabs for his neck. “Where?”

Zayn steps closer to him, then touches his finger to it. There’s an uncomfortable heat between them as he does: their familiar, genital-level chemistry ignited by their mutual frustration.

“I didn’t know,” Louis mutters.

He drops his hand. “It’s sort of hidden.”

“Sorry. I’m proper not tryin’ to rub this in your face.”

Zayn exhales. “It’s fine.”

“You’re the one who’s in the rags all the time now, dating people who aren’t me,” Louis says. “Getting papped on dates, kissin’ people. You think our kids don’t see that? You think _I_ don’t see that?”

“You ended it with us, though. You moved on. I wanted to make it work.”

“Oh, Zayn, come on!”

“And now you’re zipping right ahead with Liam.”

“You threw me away,” Louis says in a low voice. “You thought one bathroom fuck was worth more than our marriage, so don’t you fuckin’ start with this. You don’t get to be jealous like this! It’s not right! You can’t just have me as some second string backup player that’s there to take care of your kids and nurse you when you’re crazy and fuck you when you want it, and turn a blind eye when you want to fuck someone else on the side!”

Suddenly Zayn is very glad Louis had the foresight to close the door. “Please don’t keep using that against me,” he says. “Please, seriously, if you’re bitter about that, the kids are gonna pick up on it.”

Louis scoffs. “I’m not _bitter_. I’m making a point. You don’t have any right to be getting in my face about Liam.”

“I’m not getting in your face. I’m happy you’re happy.”

“You don’t sound like it!”

“Look, I’ve been fuckin’ around, I admit it,” Zayn says. “But I’m not serious about anyone, I’m not in love, and the kids don’t meet ‘em. So it’s different. I mean, what happens ten years from now, when Yasmeen finds out that you were fucking Liam while you were pregnant with her? How d’you think she’s gonna feel about that?”

“The only reason she’d find out is ‘cos of your stupid jealous fuckin’ song you wrote behind me back,” Louis snaps, his eyes blazing, “and put on the radio for everyone to speculate about my sex life, without my permission! God -- Zayn, I don’t want to be like this! We’ve been so harmonious and nice, I don’t want it to become this horrible, depressing co-parenting thing, with you pointin’ out my hickies -- I’ll put fuckin’ ice on it, alright, but the kids don’t know what a hickey is or what it means, they’re four and five! The only reason you’re so narked about it is ‘cos you know it means I fucked Liam this morning! And I did! Sorry for being human and having needs!”

The unnamed thing that’s been crawling around the edges of their conversation -- Liam jackhammering Louis and sucking on his neck, Louis moaning and swearing -- bursts into Zayn’s mind as a fully realized image, like lifting a rock to find worms and maggots crawling underneath. He shoves the thought away as fast as he can. “Well, cheers to your _needs_.”

Louis throws his hands in the air. “You are so hateful and impossible when you want to be.”

“Oi, I’ve a right to not be cool with this. What if I’d been fucking Harry when you were pregnant, and carrying on with him while I was with you --”

“-- we weren’t _carrying on_ \--”

“-- calling him and confiding in him, while you were pregnant, and then I got back with him, like, six months after our divorce was finalized? Would you be cool with that?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t, honestly,” Louis says. “Gotten back with Harry, I mean.”

“Fuck are you on about? He hates my guts.”

Louis stares at him a moment, then shakes his head. “I talked to him when we got the band back together,” he says. “Big long talk, and we discussed you a bit. He doesn’t hate your guts, for the record.”

“You’re changing the subject,” Zayn says, charging ahead, though this revelation puts him somewhat off-kilter. “How would you feel, in my shoes?”

“Properly shitty! And you’re entitled to that, but you can’t punish me for it! Did you really expect I’d stay alone? Me?”

“Not alone, but I just didn’t think it’d be Liam!”

“D’you think you’d be happy if it was anybody?” Louis says. “D’you really think there’s anyone I could be with that wouldn’t upset you? If I was with some bird, you’d be upset watching her be a mum to our kids. If I was with some other bloke, you’d be upset ‘cos you’d feel replaced. It’s just ‘ard, Zayn, it is. Moving on is hard. We had a whole life together.”

“I know we did.”

There’s a knock from inside the front door, which startles them. Louis says, “Yeah?” and it opens to reveal the nanny Ingrid, who’s carrying a sniffly Amir.

“Sorry,” she says with an apologetic look, like she’s aware they were arguing. “You always say to come get you, Louis, if he’s really crying for you, and he has been.”

Louis takes Amir in his arms, settling him against his hip with a groan. Amir aims his tearful gaze at Zayn, who reaches out to stroke his hair. Ingrid disappears back into the house.

“What’s wrong, loves?” Louis says. Zayn uses two fingers to tuck his wavy fringe behind his ear.

“Nothing,” Amir murmurs.

Zayn gently covers Amir’s ears with his hands, then whispers to Louis, “I just need a bit more time to get used to the idea. That’s all.”

Louis shoots him a look. “I’ve got good news about that, mate, you’ve got all the time in the world. Got the rest of your life to get used to it.”

This stings. “You can be a bit hateful and impossible yourself, Lou,” Zayn says through his teeth.

“Am I? Am I _bitchy_?”

“Oh, please!”

Amir stares up at him, watching his face. Zayn drops his hands and strokes his head again.

“Love you, buddy,” he says, and presses his forehead to Amir’s.

“Love you,” Amir says. Zayn feels these words as a warm puff of air on his nose.

“I meant we’re not together anymore,” Louis whispers. “So you don’t have to be any great fan of mine, if that’s not something you feel up to right now. I don’t want you to force it. I get you’re not exactly thrilled about this.”

“Hey, it is what it is, right?”

“Zayn…”

Zayn lifts his head. Amir is still staring at him, his dark eyes wide with trepidation.

“He can hear us,” he points out to Louis.

“I know he can,” Louis says, shifting Amir on his hip.

“You should take Daddy to In-N-Out,” Amir tells Louis.

Louis laughs. “Will that fix it?” he says. “You want a burger, Zayn?”

“Are you actually asking me to join you for dinner, or are you joking wiv me?”

Louis shrugs. “Yeah, have dinner with us. Why not? You’re always welcome.”

Zayn wants to lie and say he has plans (he does have plans: plans to smoke a dab pen in his hot tub until he forgets he was ever married to someone who can drive him this nuts) but Amir’s watchful gaze on him is like having a policeman’s flashlight shining in his face. Anything but the truth feels ill-advised and hard to get away with.

“Yeah,” he says. “That’d be nice, actually.”

Louis holds Amir steady with one hand and opens the door behind him with the other. “Come on in, then,” he says.

Zayn follows him inside.

BEVERLY HILLS, SEPTEMBER 9, 2021

Liam keeps ginning up his courage to confront Ceci, then chickening out a moment later and deciding not to, before thinking of Sunday and ginning his courage up all over again.

By the time she rings the doorbell, he’s caught between the two options. He momentarily forgets about this when Sunday runs to greet him, flinging herself into his arms and crying, “Daddy!”

“Hi sweetie,” he says, petting her hair. Ceci looks peeved. She’s never liked how excited Sunday always is to see him, which drives Liam crazy, because it’s not his fault. Like he _wants_ to be the full-time parent, with all of the responsibility and hassle and guilt that entails? Like it wouldn’t make more sense for her mum to be? Like he doesn’t lie awake at night agonizing about how he must be fucking her up?

Sunday takes his hand and starts to lead him into the house, babbling to him about how fast horses run at the racetrack.

“You took her to a racetrack?” Liam says, turning to Ceci behind him. She isn’t moving off the porch.

“Ryan owns a few racehorses, as an investment,” Ceci says. “I can’t turn down invitations from directors just because I have Sunday. Anyway, she had a great time, she loves horses.”

“That’s not really the point. Can you come in for a mo?”

“Sure,” she says, following him.

Liam scoops Sunday up and carries her into the parlor, then sets her down. “Why don’t you go wash up for dinner?” he says to her.

Sunday flicks her large eyes between them, like she kind of gets what’s going on. “Okay,” she says, and makes herself scarce, hurrying upstairs.

“I don’t have a ton of time,” Ceci says. “I have a dinner meeting downtown.”

“Can you just sit?” Liam says.

Ceci sits across from him and neatly folds her hands on her lap. “Okay. Go.”

“I’m thinking --” Liam breaks off and almost stops himself, but then he pictures Louis physically kicking him in the arse, and he pushes on. “I’m thinking maybe it’s time you financially contribute to Sunday’s care, a bit.”

Ceci’s neat eyebrows pop up. “Oh, are you?”

“I’m not asking for much. Just a bit here and there.”

“Can you not afford her, suddenly?”

“No, it’s not about that.”

“Because I have no income, right now, as you know. I’m between jobs. I’m auditioning, which is expensive.”

“Yeah, it’s about priorities,” Liam snaps. “Maybe ask your parents for some money for your kid.”

“But you don’t _need_ it.”

“I want it!”

“You want money,” Ceci says, narrowing her eyes like he’s a toothless hayseed sniffing around the Marino jewelry vault. “From me.”

“For our daughter, yeah! Yeah, I do! Just a bit! You can cover her education, or something.”

“Why don’t we talk when I get my first role that isn’t a commercial?”

“Why don’t you quit getting your fucking hair blown out every single day?” Liam says, his face hot.

“Oh, my God,” Ceci laughs. “If you want to talk about misuse of money --”

“It doesn’t matter how I misuse my money, I provide for our daughter!”

“Right, something you always demanded to do! ‘I’m the man, I’m the man, I should pay for this --’”

“When we were together! Now it’s an abuse! You’re taking advantage!”

“Oh, I get what this is,” Ceci says. “This is your boyfriend talking, isn’t it? Of course. Duh. He put this in your head.”

“No he didn’t,” Liam says unconvincingly. “And anyway I shouldn’t be paying you alimony. It’s fucking ridiculous. I want that over with by the end of this year.”

Ceci’s eyes glitter. “We agreed to these terms,” she says. “If you don’t like them, have your lawyer call my lawyer, okay? I’m not going to discuss this with you any further.”

“Yeah, alright. Sounds about right.” Liam stands, shoving his hands in his pockets to hide the fact that they’re trembling. “I’ll see you when I see you, then.”

Ceci stands and shifts her purse onto her shoulder gracefully, then strides down the hall to the foyer. When she reaches the front door, she stops with her hand on the crystal knob and turns to him. “You don’t have to make this harder than it needs to be,” she says.

Liam grinds his teeth together. “I’m not the one doing that.”

Ceci says nothing, just shakes her head and disappears out the door.


End file.
